A decade or so ago, I wrote (for my old blog) appreciation pieces about each of my parents. The Dad one was previously updated for this blog. Now it’s time for Mom.
Truth: Mom hates to see pictures of herself and is, like many of her generation, shy of being discussed. Sorry ‘bout it.
Another truth: like quite a few women of my generation, I have had a not-always-close relationship with my mother. Part of that is due to our innate personality traits; a lot of it, I suspect, is due to context. Mom had a lot of dealing with it to do while I was growing up. Mostly, I think, because of where and when we lived.
Mom & Dad married in 1961; he went directly from college into the Navy. While Dad was serving, Mom did what military spouses generally do, following the 20th-century equivalent of the drum. She worked as a teacher. My sister was born in 1963 in San Diego. By the time I was born (1965, in Minnesota), Dad was out of the Navy and working as an engineer. In their first ten years of marriage, they lived in at least six places.
There’s a lot I want to learn about their early years (and fortunately there’s still time to ask questions) but, at this moment, what I most want to do is share some of the lessons Mom taught me.
Be self-reliant. Do for yourself as much as you reasonably can, and be sufficient unto yourself.
Be practical. If someone else can do a thing better, let them do it. And don’t waste time or money on things you don’t really need or value.
Negotiate. You can accomplish more as a team than on your own—most of the time.
Compromise (the not so obvious corollary). Don’t let your idea of the perfect solution impede a timely and mutually-acceptable solution.
Keep learning. The next right thing or the next best choice may depend on your willingness to level up.
Make it better. Wherever you happen to land, even when you know it’s temporary, fix it up to suit yourself. Grow the flowers along with the tomatoes. And plant the tree, even if you may not be around to see it shade the house.
Let it go. No person, place, or thing is forever. When a compromise means moving on, keep what you need and let the rest stay for someone else.
When I had an opportunity to enroll in college a year early (three of my classmates had the same chance), Mom was all for it. I did go to my senior prom, with the guy who was valedictorian of my class. We’d never been on a date before and never went on another one, but we had a good time. I wore a dress of Mom’s. This one, in fact.
1979
That picture represents the biggest lesson Mom’s taught me. She and Dad are still married. Not once did I ever see or hear them fighting. Whatever challenges they faced or troubles they had, all I knew was that home was safe.
That’s a really good lesson, and I appreciate it. Love you, Mom.